everyone’s doing better than i am

i feel like everyone just calls me to tell me they’re doing way better than i am which is kind of a bitchass feeling to have, let’s be honest. you can call me jealous, bitter and awfully mean. what i want to say is everyone’s so into chasing acknowledgment for things that they’ve done, casual calls have ceased to exist. the normal conversations about weather have turned into life goals and achievements. i’m not saying being passionate about your life goals is a bad thing, but there is a thin line between discipline and obsession. one that you do not want to cross in relationships.

have a coffee to ease your mind? :)

it’s been a really long time since a friend has had a conversation with me that didn’t include the words college, future or study plan. i feel like i’m a hypocrite, putting this out on social media while doing the same thing. it is undeniably a loop that i want to get out of. all of my calls include worries about where the tide may take us and where i’ll be this time, next year. i’ve been chasing grades and scores and medals and all of the love i’ve ever received is slipping through the cracks between my fingers. maybe i come off as snobbish on the calls when i talk about my future with such certainty, the same weird insecurity i get in my gut when i hear about friends being in better places than i am. honestly, i do not know. i’m stuck in this spiral of feeling less and showing more. the constant urge to tell people i’m going fine so they don’t notice the cracks. i feel like i just call everyone to tell them i’m doing way better than they are.